Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Time changes things

I can't believe that it has been so long since I posted anything.
I think about my son everyday. I don't speak of him to anyone I know.
Hence the title "My secret life as a birthmom".
I sometimes hate to talk about other co-workers children because it may open the door to the fact that I had a child myself.No one has come right out and asked me if I placed my child so we kind of dance around the subject.
My relationship with my son's parents has stayed about the same since the beginning. We have has a few visits. I sometimes wonder if I should ask for a visit but I don't want to push them into a uncomfortable situation.
I have come to realize that like marriages, adoptions are all different and it is not good to compare my adoption with anothers. I may not know what to expect in an open adoption but I can't think that I am missing out on something or the adoptive parents are not considering my feelings in certain situations.I think we do compare what is acceptable in one realtionship versus ours and we may think we are missing out.I am comfortable with my situation right now and really son't want things to change.I don't need updates once a month, weekly phone calls etc. I have to let them be the family that they are capable of being without needing to remember that they forgot to send me an email,phone call etc...
Do I think that some families involve the birthparents too often, YES..
I think it can become a task to the adoptive parents and once those updates slack off we birthparents actually think e have done something wrong and they are getting ready to close the adoption. Contact and the amount is alays open to change as the child grows and the family grows as well. I never want to be thought of as a burden to the family so the less I ask the more they are likey to feel comfortable with our relationship.

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