Here is a quote can I think is so true for birthmoms & adoption in general.

How many people can you find to love your child? Each one is a gift to your child from YOU.

reprinted from KIDBIZ newsletter, on an ezine by childcare, author and speaker, Patricia Dischler.
That hit me like a ton of bricks!! Yes, I chose every person who is in my child's life. That is power!! I just love my child's family & I think I did good job but it does not take away the pain of missing him or being his mom.
I don't regret my decision but it is so hard & at times the pain seems to hit me like it was yesterday. I still relive the moments right after his birth & right before he left the hospital with his mom & dad. I think I was numb (and still think I am at times).
I do wish that I had the kind of adoption where EVERYONE in my family knew & we could talk about it. I am sure it is painful for my mom but how does she think I feel???
I pray for the day that my son thanks me for the wonderful life he had... Until then**********