The past few days have got me to thinking what a burden we carry as birthmoms. Maybe burden isn't the correct description but for me I think it fits.
I was asked to tell my adoption story, so it could be published on a blog . I asked my first initial of my name & my child's name be used, not our full name. I was asked "why"??? Why leaves the door open for more than a simple answer. Because.......
As a birthmom we are looked down in the adoption triad. Oh, we gave a family a wonderful gift but when we try to tell others why we chose adoption they don't understand. The first thing
that most people say is "I could never give up my baby"!! I am so tired of hearing that. We don't go out & get pregnant just so we can "give our baby away".
Well back to the orignial point. The adoptive parents are so wonderful, for adopting a baby that is not their bio child. What a wonderful thing they have done. People think they are like saints. The adoptee, they are either exalted or pitied. How wonderful it was that you were given such a wonderful life or it must be awful for you, not knowing your "real parents".
The birthmom is the only one in the triad that has to "explain herself for the rest of her life. I have chosen to be a "secret birthmom" for this reason. If you know me, you probably know my reasons. I get tired of explaining all of the reasons why, this was the case when I told a few of my family members. Before this I thought that birthmoms didn't like their children, that is why they chose adoption. Was this God's way of opening my eyes??? Funny, right???
Don't think I would trade my experience for anything but if I was given a choice I wouldn't of chose this path. These past few years have been filled with joy but also with sorrow. Open adoption doesn't mean you will never ache for your child, you will never hear them cry in your sleep or wake up from a dream, tears wet on your pillow.
That is my rant for today. Hope you understand me a little better (or not)...