I have had alot of time to think about why I chose the decision that I did. I have chose to keep it a secret because of all the negative comments I would receive. Case in point... I have a friend who has been there through it all. Happy or supportive of my decision ? NO!! It has come to a point where we have had our diferences & the underlying reason is MY DECISION to place my child.I don't expect everyone to understand or accept my choice but this person KNEW why I had no children up to this point & I thought she understood. She looks at me differently. You would think I killed someone. I am the same person I was before pregnancy.
I understand how difficult it is for a woman to want children but is unable to have them. Blame me??? I say not. I will not be held responsible for her inability to bear children. I feel her pain & understand her hurt but I feel like I had to be HER support during my whole pregnancy. We did have a few issues then & I was put under alot of stress.At times I feel like I haven't really grieved my loss because of all of the drama during and after my pregnancy.
This is an issue we birthmoms deal with. Some friends just don't get it & fall away. Others try to be supportive but they don't understand the pain of losing a child & still others don't understand why you have changed. Giving birth changes you. You look at alot of things differently & you are not or ever will be the same person again.