Happy Birthday ??????

I am thinking of my little guy today. Today is his 3rd birthday. Funny how time gets away from us.
This birthday is a little easier than last year and I expect that next year when #4 comes around will be a little easier then this one.
Celebrating a child's birthday is a happt time unless you are a birthmom. You reflect on the child you gave life to that day but the rest is really bitter sweet. My heart gets heavy close to his birthday. I think of the year gone by. I think of all of the tings I missed out on. I wonder what new & exciting things he will say & do. I wonder if he will remember me going to his birthday party, sharing his specail day with his family??
Being a birthmom is difficult but tis is one of the most difficult time for me. I don't know what to feel or how to react to the whole birthday celebration. I gave him life so do we celebrate me as his mother or do we celebtate him with "his" family??? There would be no "him" without me. Does that sound selfish??? As a birthmom we are celebrated & worshipped UNTIL we give birth & pass our child to their waiting parents & then all attention is on the baby & we are forgotten. Our job is done, needed no longer. That is how I have felt (mostly after the birth & around birthday).I don't know if that feeling will ever go away. Birthmoms are so misunderstood. We can't explain to family & friends who have no idea what we feel. Remember, we chose adoption soooo they think we have no feelings & should feel no pain.I don't share my feelings with many people (unless blogging)so alot of what I feel is "a secret". I am hoping one day that I will be able to share & feel proud of being a birthmom.